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Polaroids Of Androids

Record Reviews

0.1

M.I.A.
/\/\ /\ Y /\

This is a LIVE REVIEW.

Not because I thought that would be cool or future or edge cutting, but rather because after hearing the first few songs I knew there was no chance I'd be able to sit through this album more than once. Yep, that rating above speaks volumes. Each of those volumes has 10,000 pages. Each of those pages has a picture of a giant turd and/or a detailed photo of Oprah pleasuring herself.

The Message
Someone has started typing a hate email to let Meya know how much this record sucks. But don't write off old Mixxxy just yet. She's got fresh ideas. THE GOVERNMENT IS CORRUPT AND STEALING MONEY FROM YOUR BANK ACCOUNT VIA YOUR IPHONE. Agent Moulder, The Cancer Bats and Carl Scully already solved this whole conspiracy in the 1990s. Someone get Mina a VCR.

Steppin In
A silly amount of "drilling-a-hole-through-social-corruption" sound effects. If this is a viral advertisement for Black & Decker then I guess it worked because I just bought BnD's new super-quick cordless model to drill a hole in my head so I'd never have to hear music again. Marketing success!

XXXO
The obvious, pre-defined single. No hook. Nothing catchy about this at all. It sounds like a shit Eastern European dance anthem. Like M.Y.A's lame attempt to be as good as Annie, or big-in-Poland-in-1978 DJ Ski Ski Ski.

Teqkilla
In the future people will still get drunk. Babes will have three breasts. People will no longer have ears. Obviously.

Lovalot
Gandi and Bob Marley rose up out of their graves when they heard that Mey]y]ya had mentioned them on such a fucked song. They both decided to completely discard their peace + love + harmony belief system in the interest of humanity and rolled Miya up into the fourth largest joint either of them had ever smoked. Hypocrisy gets you even more blazed than the finest Cali Bush Weed. Did they use the NY Times because they didn't have any papers handy? You betcha. They were in Meyya75456's Beverly Hills Luxury Birth Clinic at the time, where she was bitching about 'wanting to be free'. The irony wasn't lost on anyone.

Story To Be Told
This song starts with a left-to-right sample of M.A.S.A's private jet as she flies off to Africa to get inspiration for her new album about the injustice of the digital age. It ends with a right-to-left sample of her returning home, rested and with plenty of souvenirs for her Hollywood/Bollywood buddies. In-between there's something that sounds a little like electronic music and a lot like a musical re-interpretation of lycos.com, compiled by that down syndrome MC dude from YouTube.

It Takes A Muscle
A reggae song by someone who thinks UB40 are the best reggae band of all time.

It Iz What It Iz
About as exciting as the wacky song title would suggest. It's 2011 for fucks sake.

Born Free
Is this the song where Mazzy shoots red-haired kids to illustrate modern racism and milk a little bit of love out of that whole Angry Ginger craze on YouTube? The upside of this song is that Milly has bucklies chance of torturing Australian citizens (ie. playing shows here), as there's no way would Grill Hard let such a racist lunatic past customs.

Meds and Feds
The default pre-programmed Albion guitar riffs are sounding heaps more real these days, aye?

Tell Me Why
Finally a tolerable song. Sure, it doesn't really do anything exceptional but it's also the first song on the album that doesn't immediately make me want to find out what Jim's experimental new mix of goey "taste's like".

Space
This is pretty much exactly the same as Tell Me Why. Boring. As. Fuck. Positives: it doesn't sound like the fourteen most popular videos on Google Video played at once. Negatives: it's about as exciting as the fourteen most popular videos on Google Video.

Internet Connection
This song is about how sometimes you lose your internet connection. Maybe I'll write slam poetry about how frustrating it is when you can't find matching sock pairs. Music just officially jumped over the fake Henry Winkler sex tape.

AND.. YOU CAN GET FUCKED IF YOU THINK I'M LISTENING TO THE BONUS TRACKS.

Filed Under
Record Reviews
M.I.A.

 

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Comments

(nobody)

Pfork-wannabe-blog hates on the new MIA record after Pfork give it a bad review.

1 decade ago

(nobody)

Some knob hates on review because it agrees with a pfork review which gives an album shit because it is.

1 decade ago

(nobody)

POA - best fucking reviews in the world.
i couldnt agree with you more (each and every time)

1 decade ago

bucci

pipe down corgan!

1 decade ago

(nobody)

It's a whole lot more ridiculous to comment on the comparison to pitchfork as opposed to the content of the review than it is to share the views of a popular website.

1 decade ago

(nobody)

MIA connected to the record label connected to the music industry connected to the p.r machine connected to the mediocre music connected to the absolutely mindless political points that prove fuck all connected to the hypocrisy.

1 decade ago

(nobody)

I like turtles!

1 decade ago

(nobody)

The reviews on this site are laughably shit. To begin by saying you only listened to it once.......why would anyone even bother reading on? I don't like MIA and will probably never listen to this record, but fuck, put some effort in.

I laughed out loud when I read that Gonjasufi review...what a pile of fucking rubbish that review and that record both are.

1 decade ago

Rav

Well played @balls. You've officially made yourself look like a cock to mach your dumb cunt name.

1 decade ago

(nobody)

Funny! But completely off the mark.

1 decade ago

(nobody)

I'd rather read this than a pitchfork review.

THAT IS ALL.

1 decade ago

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